Wednesday, May 25, 2005

South of the Border

help! I'm in Mexico and cannot return to the US!

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Abuse of Garden Gnomes

Grandmother Abuses Garden Gnome to Save Herself

(04-15) 14:20 PDT LONDON, United Kingdom (AP) --

A grandmother stopped an intruder from entering her home by lobbing a heavy garden gnome at him, police said Friday. Jean Collop was woken early on Tuesday morning by the sound of an intruder on the roof of her home in Wadebridge, southwest England.

"I grabbed the first thing that came to hand — one of my garden gnomes — and hurled it at him, and hit him," she recalled.

"He lay there and I began to scream. I went back into the kitchen and found a rolling pin in case he came down. I didn't want to break another gnome."

A neighbor alerted police who arrived shortly afterward and arrested the intruder.

He added: "Our usual advice would be not to get involved, but to contact the police straight away," said a spokesman for the Devon and Cornwall Police.

"We do appreciate that in the heat of the moment people react to that situation, and if it results in a happy outcome that's great."

Unsurprisingly, the local police condoned her selfish behaviour.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

On the Road Again

Dear Readers –

I am sorry for my prolonged absence. My adventures in the last week have kept me far from the computer.

Fearing for my continued liberty, I decided to hit the road. I headed east in search of greener pastures. I realized how far my hopes were from reality when I found myself in the desert! Apparently the truck I hopped on was headed to Arizona.

So in Phoenix I alighted, deciding to explore one of the fastest-growing cities in the United States.

In the Valley of the Sun I found dazzlingly beautiful desert, Native American crafts, and numerous outdoor activities. Feeling adventurous, I went for a hike up CamelBack Mountain.

Here is a photo of me at the peak:

I worry about pre-mature aging; hence the sun protection

Friday, April 15, 2005

Gnome on the Road

Refusing to succomb to complacency, I have decide to say goodbye to Burbank. Farewell Giant Chessboard at the World's Dullest Mall

NB to former owners: perhaps if we had been closer to the Glendale Galleria, I would have considered staying

Goodbye faux hipsters outside of Urban Outfitters. Please try to remember that you are in Burbank, not on the set of a MadMax movie.

Adieu, Burbank Police Department; I will no longer fear your anti-gnomeist traffic stops.

I've packed my satchel, resigned the lease on my gnome-adapted apartment to the Garden Gnome Liberation Front, and bought my copy of Let's Go USA.

I shall start my journey on Historic Route 99, conveniently located at the corner of San Fernando and Magnolia. Many trucks pass that corner; I will throw caution to the wind and hitchhike on the open road!


Another Gnome on the Run

I only wish MSNBC hadn't stolen my nickname.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

It's a ruse

I will not be lulled into a false sense of security. That The price on my head is great I do not doubt.

It is with great sadness that I have decided that I shall leave the only home I have ever known - yes dear friends, I venture away from Beautiful Downtown Burbank. How sad I will be to leave the idyllic city that is host to NBC, Warner Brothers, and the ever-exciting Media Center Mall.

I have determined that my best course is east. I initially pondered heading west, but alas I am solid ceramic and do not swim. I would not be happy on the floor of the Pacific ocean.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Emotional Blackmail

Yet another email from my Former Owner:
Hearing of a vacancy on this tree lined street only minutes from downtown Burbank, two elves have moved in to replace our "liberated gnome". The memory of our gnome is fading as we await his return.......We can only hope that the passport that his liberators left him will take him to places of his dreams. We look forward to pictures of his travels.
PS........If any other elf or gnome would like to join the elves, on this tree lined street, there is plenty of room.

Doubtlessly it's a ruse to make me feel secure in my freedom; however I know now that my position is more precarious than ever! The bount on my head continues to grow with each passing day of liberty.

Perhaps my former owner was correct in saying that if I remain in Burbank I shall never be free since I will have to always cast a watchful eye over my shoulder.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Music Again

Here are some songs that I am enjoying on my free iPod (if any of my dear readers would like to help me upgrade to a free iPod shuffle - more convenient for my travels - I would be ever so grateful)

Cry Freedom by Dave Matthews Band
Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd
Break My Stride by Matthew Wilder
I'm Free by Jon Secada
Free by Rick Springfield
and my favorite
Libertad by La Ley